The Space Between Motherhood and Letting Go

I’ve been sitting with a quiet fear lately.

The kind that doesn’t shout — it whispers.

“You’re not the only one growing”

People are growing all around me,

especially my children. 

The other day I sat at the edge of my bed, eyes swelling with tears

and I was struggling with finding the reason for such an abrupt emotional wave.

And it dawned on me- in 5 days my son, first born, will be 15 years old. 

the baby I carried and mothered for 14 years

is out here walking and talking and making his own decisions- without me.

He is growing up, he is taking up more space and exploring new terrain.

He is starting to leave childish things behind….

And the looming question hit my chest -

What if I am “left behind” ?

I’ve been so focused on my own growth and elevation, 

I have forgotten I have also been assisting in the facilitation of the growth of my children. 

Successfully so. 

And while I am so proud- I am also grieving the inevitable ending of their “childhood”

There is a tension between ambition and motherhood…I imagine from both ends of the spectrum.

Recently, I am experiencing my son’s silent but steady resistance.As I outgrow the space I am in and seek to expand…He does the same.

He is outgrowing the need for constant instruction, and moving toward needing guidance instead of supervision…wisdom instead of control…presence instead of management.

And somewhere in the middle of all of that, we are both learning how to become.

I think for both parties, ambition can feel like betrayal.While we equip our children to live without us, we encourage them to make decisions best for them and explore new boundaries…

But no one teaches mothers how to make peace with no longer occupying the center of their child’s world as they build one of their own.

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Message to the Reader…

If you are in this season too, maybe perhaps part of parenting is learning that being needed less does not mean being loved less.

Whether you’re a mom or a dad…give yourself grace through the transition. 

As our children outgrow our reach,

we must learn that distance and independence

are not the absence of love—

but often evidence that it was strong enough to help them grow.