Softening the Blow

A day of Returning to Myself

This week, I have completed.

I have assisted. I have compromised.I have understood. I have corrected and redirected.

I have cooked dinner, bought dinner, cleaned the bathroom, the kitchen, and the living room.

I have made it to practices. I have made it to games.

I have budgeted. I have paid bills.

I have explained. I have demonstrated.I have suggested.

I have critically thought, explored other options and approaches.

I have cleaned some more.Cooked some more. Paid some more —while underslept and overtired.

Today, I don’t have the energy to be

a strong Black woman —the label society developed to convince meI can do all things, carry all things, tolerate all things, and smile and stay gentle while doing it.

Today, I don’t have the energy to be polite, to compromise, to manage the emotions of others.

Today, I will focus on preservation. Today, I will recharge, reset, relieve.

I don’t want to speak gently, so I will speak softly.

I don’t want to over explain, so I will delicately decline to go into detail.

My flexibility will remain on my yoga mat. My heart’s grace will be offered to myself.

Today, I will take care of me —my needs, my thoughts, my feelings.

I will do what I want, not what I can, not what is requested.

I will do what is restful.

Healing needs protection. It needs space to breathe and repair.

Heaviness needs grace to lighten its load.

And humanness needs love to soften its blows.

Today, I will not pick up extra. I will only pick myself.

I will cry if I need to. I will scream if I need to. I’ll eat. I’ll sleep. I’ll repeat, if need be.

This is me conserving energy, not disappearing

But resting until I can return.

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A Message to the Reader....

So often, we feel like we are not allowed to fall apart because so many people rely on our strength. Somewhere along the way, women were declared sacrificial saviors — while simultaneously being labeled the weaker vessel.

What irony.

It is okay to stretch, and at times you may even be stretched thin. Just remember: it is not your purpose to break yourself trying to hold everything together. How does anyone benefit from you damaging yourself in order to repair others?

I was offered a gentle reminder —that God is holding the pieces I cannot. And so, I place them down.

I offer you the same gentle reprieve: place them down.

Stop apologizing for being tired. For being angry, hurt, or disappointed. For expressing yourself honestly and naming how you feel.

You are worthy of the space you need to take up —the space required to heal, to rest, and to replenish.

Treat yourself like someone you are also responsible for taking care of. Leave room for your own humanity.