May flowers grow over your wounds

“When romance is rooted in friendship, it carries a different kind of weight." 

Recently, I reconnected with an ex, and for the first time in years, we cleared the air. I’d carried the desire to do this for so long, because deep down, I hated how things ended between us. Over the years, I’ve grown a lot — and part of that growth has been learning to take accountability for my past and present. For a long time, I carried guilt that felt so heavy. Not because I’m a bad person, but because deep down I knew I never wanted to hurt someone I cared about. The truth is, back then I just didn’t have the right tools or even the words to handle things differently. Now, with more wisdom and better language, I find myself wanting to mend some of the bridges I once burned out of fear, anger, or hurt. 

After finally having that hard conversation and gaining some clarity — even about things that still stung — I felt lighter. More whole. Like a missing piece had been returned to me, or maybe like I got back a friend I’d been missing. And it reminded me of something: we’re human, and we’re going to get things wrong. God has a plan, and so often we run ahead, mess it up, and then come back to Him asking for repair. I’m grateful He mended this one for me. But even if He hadn’t, I can see now that the lessons, the healing, and even the pain from that season were all shaping me. That relationship led me to therapy, and therapy became the soil where I started doing the soul work to become the best version of myself. This relationship was the birthplace of so many beautiful things for me; It was the place I learned how to ask for help, even when I didn’t know what help looked like. It was the place that nurtured the writer, the photographer, the woman I am today. And in its ending, I finally saw that my anger is usually just a cover — underneath it, it’s almost always hurt, then disappointment. 

I don’t love everything that’s happened in my life — past, present, or even what’s to come. But I truly believe that all things work together for my good. So instead of clinging to anger or fighting against what I can’t change, I try to find the lesson, gather the wisdom, or just accept what is. Life keeps showing me it’s so much bigger than anything I can plan, and God’s vision for me is always far greater than my own. 

Message to the Reader:  

“Some people plant seeds in your soul that bloom long after they’re gone.” 

Some people crawl into your heart, and change your life in ways you never expected... and even when they are only there for a season, even if things didn't go according to plan, the footprints of their soul linger throughout your life; and the seeds they planted still grow into flowers. And that is a beautiful thing. Everything is temporary, whether it be good or bad, so love deeply, laugh hard, and cry when you need to...And keep it moving.