When a romance is founded by friendship...It can stand the test of time. I recently had a chance to catch up with an ex... and we were able to talk and clear the air about somethings. I have secretly always wanted to do this...because I actually hated how things ended for us. Over the years I have learn and grown so much, and I am in a place where I am taking full accountability of my actions, both past and present. I realize that the reason I carried so much guilt and always felt so heavy regarding certain things is because I know NOW that I didn't want to be that person or handle things how I handled them...I never want to hurt someone I care about. I just didn't have the tools or the language to be able to say or do what was best for me at the time. And now that I have better tools, and better language, I feel that I want to mend bridges I burnt down in the name fear, in the name of anger or hurt.
And after talking, and gaining clarity - even on things that didn't feel great- I felt lighter. I felt more whole; like a piece was added instead of taken, I felt like I made back a friend I missed. We are humans, and we get things wrong all the time. God has a plan for us, and we hijack it, we change things and mess it up - and then bring it back to him in pieces and ask him to fix it. I am grateful he mended this one for me. But even if he didn't, even if that bridge was never repaired...so much came from that relationship, even in our valley season, because I needed to experience that hurt to get to a place where I would seek healing... and that healing led me to therapy...and it was in therapy I began doing the soul work I needed to be doing to be the best version of myself. I was hiding, and hiding behind so many things. It was in that relationship that I learned how to ask for help, even when I am not sure what the help looks like. It was that relationship that nurtured the writer, the photographer, the woman I am today. And it was in the ending of this relationship that I realized anger, is usually my secondary emotion, and that the first is often hurt, followed closely by disappointment.
Even though I do not like all the things that have happened or is happening - or will happen, I have full understanding and believe whole heartedly that ALL THINGS TRULY WORK TOGETHER. And so instead of fighting and staying mad when things don't work out how "I" planned, I seek to find the lesson, gain the understanding, or gracefully accept what is...because life has shown me it is so much bigger than I could imagine, and the plans for me are far greater...
Message to the Reader:
Some people crawl into your heart, and change your life in ways you never expected... and even when they are only there for a season, even if things didn't go according to plan, the footprints of their soul linger throughout your life; and the seeds they planted still grow into flowers. And that is a beautiful thing. Everything is temporary, whether it be good and bad, so love and laugh whenever you can, and cry when you need to...And keep it moving.